One of the most challenging parts of parenting is having tough conversations with your child. Talking about loss is no exception. Whether it’s the death of a family member, a pet, or even a friend, explaining what has happened in a way that’s honest yet age-appropriate is critical for helping kids process their grief.
This post will guide you through strategies for discussing loss with your child, equipping you with tools to navigate these delicate conversations with love and care.
Understanding How Kids Process Loss
Children experience grief differently depending on their age, development, and emotional maturity. It’s important to tailor your approach based on where they are emotionally.
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Young Children (Ages 3–6):
They may not fully grasp the permanence of death and might ask repetitive questions like, "When is Grandma coming back?" Use clear, simple language like, "Grandma died, which means her body stopped working, and we won’t see her anymore." Avoid euphemisms like “passed away,” which can be confusing. -
School-Age Children (Ages 7–12):
At this stage, kids start understanding the finality of death but may struggle to express their feelings. Encourage open dialogue by saying, “It’s okay to feel sad or confused. Let’s talk about it.” -
Teenagers:
Teens often have a more mature understanding of loss but may express their grief in unexpected ways, like withdrawing or becoming irritable. Be patient and let them know you’re there for them, even if they don’t want to talk right away.
Tips for Talking About Loss
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Be Honest, But Gentle:
Kids appreciate honesty, but it’s essential to frame your words in a way they can understand. Keep explanations brief, and follow their lead if they have questions. -
Normalize Their Feelings:
Let them know it’s okay to feel sad, scared, or even angry. Share your own feelings, but avoid overwhelming them with your grief. -
Encourage Questions:
Give them the space to ask questions, even if they’re difficult. If you don’t know the answer, it’s okay to admit that. -
Provide Reassurance:
Loss can make kids worry about their own safety or that of others. Reassure them by saying, “We’re here to keep you safe, and it’s okay to talk about how you feel.” -
Use Stories and Books:
Stories like Jurni can help children connect with characters who are experiencing similar feelings. Books provide a safe way for kids to explore and process their emotions.
Helpful Phrases to Use
- “It’s okay to feel sad or cry. That’s how we let our feelings out.”
- “I’m here if you want to talk or if you just want a hug.”
- “Do you want to draw, write, or tell me how you’re feeling?”
- “It’s okay if you don’t understand everything right now. We’ll figure it out together.”
Resources to Support Your Conversations
Here are a few tools to help guide you as you talk to your child about loss:
- Sesame Workshop Grief Resources: Offers videos and activities designed for young children.
- The Dougy Center: A wealth of articles and resources for supporting grieving kids.
- Books About Grief for Kids: Check out our curated list of children’s books, including Jurni, to help kids process loss.
Talking to kids about loss is never easy, but with honesty, empathy, and the right resources, you can help them navigate their grief and build resilience for the future.
At Jurni, we're working to bring these themes of grief, healing, and hope to life through an animated short film inspired by our story. If you’d like to support this project, please visit our Kickstarter campaign or learn more on the Jurni website. Together, we can create something meaningful for families navigating their own journeys.