Talking to kids about death can feel overwhelming. It’s a difficult topic, and many parents worry about saying the wrong thing. But children need honest, age-appropriate conversations about loss to help them process their emotions. Whether they’ve lost a pet, a grandparent, or someone close to them, open discussions can provide comfort and clarity.
Here’s a guide on how to talk to children about death based on their age and developmental stage.
Talking to Toddlers and Preschoolers (Ages 2-5)
Young children don’t fully understand the concept of death. They may see it as temporary or reversible, like in cartoons. When explaining loss, keep your words simple and concrete.
What to Say:
- “Grandpa died, which means we won’t see him anymore. But we can always remember him and talk about the happy times we had together.”
- Avoid phrases like “passed away” or “went to sleep,” as they can be confusing for young children.
How to Help:
- Read books about loss together. (The Goodbye Book by Todd Parr is a great option.)
- Encourage them to express emotions through drawing or storytelling.
- Reassure them that their feelings—whether sadness, confusion, or anger—are okay.
Talking to Young Children (Ages 6-9)
At this age, children begin to understand that death is permanent but may still have questions about what happens after someone dies. They might also worry that death is contagious or that something they did caused the loss.
What to Say:
- “Death means the person’s body stopped working, and they won’t come back. But we can always remember them and keep them in our hearts.”
- Let them ask questions and answer honestly, even if you don’t have all the answers.
How to Help:
- Encourage them to share memories of the person who died.
- Offer a creative outlet like making a memory box or writing a letter to the loved one.
- Be patient, as children this age may ask the same questions multiple times while trying to understand.
Talking to Preteens (Ages 10-12)
Older kids have a deeper understanding of death and may struggle with the emotions that come with it. They might experience fear, guilt, or anger and may not always express their grief openly.
What to Say:
- “Losing someone we love is really hard. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. You can always talk to me about how you’re feeling.”
- Let them know it’s okay to cry, but also okay to have moments of happiness.
How to Help:
- Keep communication open and check in with them regularly.
- Normalize their emotions and reassure them that grief is different for everyone.
- Encourage healthy coping strategies, like journaling, exercising, or talking to a trusted adult.
Talking to Teenagers (Ages 13-18)
Teenagers understand death on an adult level but may struggle to process their emotions. Some teens withdraw, while others become more expressive. They may also question the meaning of life or experience deep sadness.
What to Say:
- “Grief is different for everyone, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel. I’m here for you whenever you need to talk.”
- Be honest about your own feelings, which can help them feel less alone.
How to Help:
- Give them space but let them know you’re available when they need support.
- Encourage them to reach out to friends, counselors, or support groups if they’re struggling.
- Watch for signs of depression or extreme isolation, and seek professional help if needed.
Final Thoughts: Creating a Safe Space for Grief
No matter a child’s age, the most important thing is to let them know they’re not alone. Grief is a journey, and kids need ongoing support as they process their emotions. Be patient, listen without judgment, and remind them that love and memories last forever.
At Jurni, we're working to bring these themes of grief, healing, and hope to life through an animated short film inspired by our story. If you’d like to support this project, please visit our Kickstarter campaign or learn more on the Jurni website. Together, we can create something meaningful for families navigating their own journeys.