Understanding grief is challenging at any age, but for children, the concept of loss can be especially difficult to grasp. Their understanding evolves over time, depending on their developmental stage, which means that their emotional needs will change as they process their grief. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, a pet, or another significant loss, supporting children through these times requires patience, openness, and understanding.
This post will explore how children experience grief at different ages, as well as practical tips for helping them cope with loss.
1. Grief in Younger Children (Ages 3-5)
At this stage, children may not fully understand the permanence of death. They may ask repetitive questions or express confusion about what happened. Their reactions might include sadness, fear, or even a lack of emotional expression, as they process their grief in bits and pieces.
- Tip: Offer simple, honest explanations that are age-appropriate. For example, you might say, “Grandma’s body stopped working, and we can’t see her anymore, but we’ll always remember her.”
2. Grief in Elementary-Aged Children (Ages 6-9)
Children in this age group may begin to understand that death is permanent, but they might not fully grasp its finality or emotional weight. They may also worry about their own safety or that of other loved ones. They may experience mood swings and might act out in response to their confusion or sadness.
- Tip: Encourage children to talk about their feelings and express their grief through activities like drawing, playing, or writing. Keeping a routine is also important at this age to provide stability.
3. Grief in Preteens (Ages 10-12)
At this age, children develop a more mature understanding of death and can often grasp the emotional and psychological aspects of loss. They may feel angry or frustrated, and could withdraw from social situations. It's important to help preteens channel their emotions in healthy ways.
- Tip: Encourage open discussions about their emotions. Let them know it’s okay to feel upset, and provide them with coping mechanisms like journaling, art, or talking to a counselor if needed.
4. Grief in Teenagers (Ages 13+)
Teens often have a deeper intellectual understanding of death, but their emotional responses can be unpredictable. They may struggle with feelings of isolation or guilt, especially if they weren’t able to express their grief earlier. It’s important to give them space to process, but also offer support and understanding during this time.
- Tip: Respect their need for privacy, but also check in regularly. Offering a safe space for them to express their emotions can help them feel less isolated.
How You Can Support a Grieving Child at Any Age
Regardless of a child's age, one of the most important things you can do is to listen. Allowing children to ask questions and express their feelings—without judgment—is vital to their healing. In addition to listening, you can also provide emotional reassurance, physical comfort, and consistent routines.
At Jurni, we're working to bring these themes of grief, healing, and hope to life through an animated short film inspired by our story. If you’d like to support this project, please visit our Kickstarter campaign or learn more on the Jurni website. Together, we can create something meaningful for families navigating their own journeys.