Grief is a complex and deeply personal journey, especially for children. While adults often think of grief as a linear process, children may experience it differently. Their understanding of loss evolves as they grow, and they may revisit their grief at different stages of development.
In this post, we’ll break down how children process grief, share insights into the stages of grief, and offer tips for supporting kids through their unique grieving process.
Do Children Experience the Same Stages of Grief as Adults?
The stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are often discussed in adult grief counseling. While these stages can apply to children, their expression may look quite different.
For example:
- Denial: A child might repeatedly ask when their loved one is coming back, struggling to understand the permanence of loss.
- Anger: They may express frustration or act out, often without fully understanding why they feel upset.
- Bargaining: Younger children might create “magical” explanations, such as believing they can bring their loved one back by being extra good.
- Depression: This might show up as sadness, withdrawal, or a loss of interest in favorite activities.
- Acceptance: Over time, children begin to adjust, forming a “new normal” while still cherishing their memories.
How Children’s Understanding of Grief Changes with Age
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Preschoolers (Ages 3–5):
At this stage, kids may not grasp the permanence of death. They may see it as temporary or reversible, much like in cartoons. Reassurance and consistent routines are crucial. -
Elementary-Aged Children (Ages 6–12):
Kids begin to understand that death is permanent and universal. They might have a lot of questions and may experience guilt, wondering if they did something to cause the loss. -
Teens (Ages 13+):
Adolescents process grief more like adults but may struggle with expressing emotions. They may turn to peers for support or seek independence during this time.
Tips for Supporting a Grieving Child
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Be Honest and Use Simple Language:
Avoid euphemisms like “passed away.” Instead, explain death in clear, age-appropriate terms to help them understand. -
Encourage Expression:
Offer tools for expression, such as journaling, drawing, or talking about their feelings. -
Maintain Routines:
Routines provide comfort and a sense of normalcy during a turbulent time. -
Reassure Them It’s Not Their Fault:
Children may blame themselves for the loss, so it’s essential to reassure them that they’re not responsible. -
Offer Patience and Flexibility:
Grief isn’t linear. Be patient as children revisit their emotions at different times.
Helpful Resources for Parents and Caregivers
Here are some organizations and resources for understanding and supporting children through grief:
- Eluna Network: Offers programs like Camp Erin, a bereavement camp for children and teens experiencing loss.
- Comfort Zone Camp: A free bereavement camp for kids, offering a safe space to process grief with peers.
- Rainbows for All Children: Provides support groups for children dealing with loss, divorce, or trauma.
- GriefShare: A support network for individuals and families grieving a loss, with resources tailored for children.
- KidsHealth: Helping Kids Cope with Grief: Practical advice for parents navigating their child’s grief.
- Winston’s Wish: A UK-based charity offering bereavement support and resources for grieving families.
- Child Mind Institute: Articles and resources on mental health and grief in children.
- Healing Hearts Child Advocacy Center: Resources and support for families and children dealing with trauma and loss.
- Scholastic’s Grief Support Resources: Books and educational materials to help kids process loss through storytelling.
- Center for Loss and Life Transition: Support for grieving families with specialized tools and books for kids.
Understanding how grief manifests at different stages of childhood can empower you to provide meaningful support. Remember, every child’s journey is unique, and there’s no “right” way to grieve.
If you’re looking for creative ways to support your child, don’t forget to check out our Jurni activity pages for free, fun activities designed to help kids express their emotions.
At Jurni, we're working to bring these themes of grief, healing, and hope to life through an animated short film inspired by our story. If you’d like to support this project, please visit our Kickstarter campaign or learn more on the Jurni website. Together, we can create something meaningful for families navigating their own journeys.